by Astrid Rangel
So yesterday I made a promise to tell you about my first college audition and here it goes. First I will tell you a little about myself. I have been involved in theatre since my junior year of high school. At that time, when I planned for college, I never thought I would end up majoring in theatre. At that time, I was to go to college and major in biology and do all of my pre-med requisites. I didn’t even want to leave my hometown, to be honest, because that was the safest thing to do.
Yet, I’ve never been a fan of safe. So when I joined One Act at my school and stepped on a stage, I fell in love. It was just an adrenaline rush. You get to be whoever you want to be. So when my last days of high school came around, I had a change of heart. I decided to apply to Texas State because it has one of the best fine arts program in the state and that’s where I wanted to be. It wasn’t only that. I had by this time made so many wonderful friends in the theatre community that I made that life-changing decision to pursue a degree in the arts.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I was making the worst decision of my life, I would be able to pay for my whole tuition at once. Every day, someone tried to discourage me from making that decision that now I don’t regret. So when I came to NSO and the adviser was about to put me as “undecided,” I felt that it was now or never. So now I am here at Texas State starting my freshman year as a theater major.
Let me also tell you, there were also people who supported my decision and believe in me more than I believe in myself. Two of them are my high school theatre teachers, who even today answer all my questions and are helping me through the beginning of my process. To be clear, thanks to them, I’m not absolutely lost.
Now, let me tell you a little of how my audition went. So the day before I signed up for my block time, which was 9:30 pm. I got to my dorm and got to work because I knew this was different from what it used to be back home. The next, morning I went all day reciting my monologue. To be honest, my day was the crappiest ever. I had to figure out how to get my books because as typical, I am broke. So after going to the bookstore and finding out I didn’t have enough money, I went searching for another bookstore and there I was able to find my books. When I got to the register, the cashier tells me that in order to rent my books I need a credit or debit card and the realization hit me. I had left my card in my dorm.
I had to walk back and forth to get my card to be able to get my books. After all of that, I walked out of the bookstore and it started to rain. In that moment I thought to myself, “WOW, THIS IS GOING GREAT!!” So by the time I actually got to my dorm, my hair and my clothes were wet and I was just so frustrated. Despite all of that, I kept a positive attitude and decided to just keep on preparing for my audition. The clock struck nine and I knew this was it.
My nerves where all over the place as I walked to the Theater Center by Moon St. Yet, I went in there and decided that I was going to make the best of it. So I signed in and waited. Then the moment arrived and they called my name. I got up and walked toward the stage, a complete ball of nerves. Once there, I did my slate. (For those of you who don’t know a slate is, that means you just say your name and what you are about to perform.) I took a breath and the first words were out. Then I had this moment where everything just went BLANK. I tried to start again but nothing came to me. So I apologized, said thank you, and got out of there. Once I was out I knew that right then and there, that what had just happened was the worst thing that could have happened to me in all of my life.
To be completely honest, I was devastated. I cried the way back to my dorm and in that moment I questioned everything. Yet, I know this can only make me stronger and as someone I just met told me, I am only a freshman and I will have many more opportunities to come. This can only make me that much stronger. After I calmed down, I realized this is only the beginning of something awesome. So if you ever go through something like that or just feel discouraged know that it’s not the end. I can honestly say, it’s hard posting this blog, but I’m sure there are many more stories out there like mine. I hope that what I went through can also be a lesson to someone out there. Maybe even a lot more things like this will happen to me and not just in auditions but in life. I won’t give up. This is not a failure but a lesson learned.