Editor’s Note: Since early July, Alexus has been living on campus as part of Texas State’s Emerging Stars program, an invitation-only summer transition program designed for incoming freshmen. The program enables students to enroll in certain college courses, and provides them access to the full range of university resources, an opportunity to learn his/her way around campus, and a great opportunity to make friends. Her post will tell you a little bit about what you may experience when you arrive in San Marcos.
July 5 … the big move-in day. The day when freedom from my parents was quickly approaching on the horizon. The day where high school was finally in the past, and most importantly, the day that was the start of something new. So many emotions were bundled up in my body, striving to get out and see what awaits me. I wanted to get out there and approach the real world bravely with a puffed-out chest, ready to take on whatever it was going to throw at me. However, I learned that is not always the way it works out.
All these feelings of excitement were making me neglect how I really felt and made me forget all my negative thoughts that had been accumulating for months now. Which for the time being was a good thing, but then came Monday … and boy, did things change! It was 7 in the morning and all I could think of was how my professors were going to think I was dumb, or how everyone around me was going to think I was dumb. I thought college professors were out there to belittle you; later I learned that was not the case, but Monday morning at 7 a.m., my mind was still set on the belittling factor. Once class started, I felt like an umpire warming up, catching the pitcher’s fastest throws one after another. I felt like all the information that was being given to me was coming down on me like rain. Welcome to the real world, I thought to myself. I wanted it to go slower so I could have time to take it all in. But that’s the way the real world works.
Then the middle of the week hit, and this would be the most challenging thing yet. I missed home so bad, that I almost felt depressed. I’m from Pflugerville, Texas, which is not even that far away from San Marcos and I thought maybe I was acting ridiculous … then I began to imagine all the people who are farther away from home than I am, but they all seemed fine. I met people who hadn’t thought about home in days, and then I met a few more people who shared the same sadness that I did about home, which made me feel less bad about myself. As a very family-orientated person, being away from home has proven to be the most difficult thing for me. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about switching to the nearest community college near my house in the fall multiple times this past week. But encouraging words from family members can go a long way, and for that I am truly thankful.
This past week has not been easy, and I know now that college is no joke. I am thankful for this program (ESTARS) because it’s getting me prepared for what is about to come. By the end, I’m hoping to come out less afraid than what I have been and more prepared than what I was on Monday morning. I realize that most of my fears are commonly shared fears, and that I will eventually get over them. I as well as others who are afraid just have to take it one day at a time. Don’t let your anxiety get the best of you; over time it will get better. Just remember you’re on the pathway that is going to lead you to the rest of your life … and I want more than anything to be successful. Don’t stop now, it’s only the beginning. College is one big mountain … and the peak is so far away, but I can see it from here.